I don’t aspire to be “healthy”

The plan here is to talk about witchcraft and how my witchcraft intersects with physical fitness and activity - at the crossfit box, the yoga studio, in a dragonboat, pulling big rocks up a hill or any number of activities.

However, I will try to avoid the word “healthy” as descriptor without context in my writing. Why? Because the word assigns judgement. 

For example, take the statement - a salad is “healthier” than a cheeseburger. What we are actually saying here is that a salad is “better.” Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. What if you are allergic to nightshades and the salad has tomato and the cheeseburger doesn’t? Now which is “healthier” for you? 

I know, I get it. It isn’t always that simple. 

So, let me make this more personal. I often get told that I look “healthy.” This usually revolves around the fact that I lost 80 pounds and packed on some muscle in the last few years thanks to crossfit and changing my diet.

An increase in lean muscle, cardio endurance, flexibility in my joints and a diet that helps my chronic inflammation has created space to pursue my passions. My witchcraft is stronger and I am grateful to my guides for the push to pursue this avenue.

But... it has not made me “healthy” or “better.” I still struggle with chronic illnesses and a body that from time to time collapses for no good reason. In fact, I am writing this as I lay in bed on a morning that I should be at the office. I am riddled with inflammation and swelling and feel dizzy every time I stand. Just 48 hours ago, I was fine and doing heavy squats with a barbell at the box.

What the hell happened - I got my allergy shots and the pollen levels are extremely high.

I didn’t have a dangerous reaction to my shot but I could tell within 15 mins of my injections, I wasn’t going to have a great 24 hrs. So, I cancelled my trip to the box and came home to drink lots of water and sleep early in the hopes that I would feel good enough to go to work in the morning. 

I didn’t. I felt crappy. I tried to get around, tried to force my body to get moving (which sometimes works) but today was not that day. 

A couple of times a year this happens and there are few more times a year I just feel off after my shots. And yes, 30 days from now I will go get my shots, just as I have done for years. You see, this is a fair trade. Before my shots, there were migraines that locked me away for days and powerful drugs that took the pain but made me feel like crap. I accidentally found my solution in an allergy treatment. I am grateful.

I fight for my physical self because I want to live in this world and pursue my witchcraft. However, I will never be “healthy” because this notion of perfection leads us down the wrong path. Leads us to judge ourselves as not worthy or not enough. 

Fight for yourself in the way you know how and accept yourself where you are at. When I started crossfit, I couldn’t do a sit-up. To be clear, I had never done one sit-up in my entire life without a heavy weight on my feet (assisted sit-up). Now, I can do 75 sit-ups without a break. The woman that can do 75 sit-ups is not better than the woman who could do no sit-ups. She is just in a different place in time.

I do keep records. I write down every workout and when I am feeling grumpy at myself, I go look and remind myself what I am fighting for. I am fighting for me. Maybe somedays that is lifting weights and others it is a walk in the woods and others it is a quiet morning with the cat.